Sunday Night Musings on Fear, Self-Acceptance and Chasing Your Dreams

It’s been one week since I took a big step toward being who I want to be. I stepped way outside of my comfort zone and applied to speak at a conference. I already wrote about my speaker proposal. I had no idea I would write on it again. I’m sure I will write on this subject a third time as well. I want to share my feelings once I find out whether or not my proposal was accepted.

I might be devastated, who knows? But that won’t take away the high I’ve been riding the last few days.

I am more certain than ever that the thrill of chasing your dreams is equal to the thrill of achieving them, and I want to encourage you to follow your dreams. If it’s too daunting, let your goal simply be to chase your dreams. If you then take the steps to chase your dream, you will succeed, even if you fail.

Of course, I am still on the side of, “It could happen. They could actually pick me to speak.”

I think I’ll be okay if they don’t accept my proposal. While I want to believe I’m ready, I’m not sure I am. I am only a year or so into this self-love thing. I don’t have a following. I have been on the internet for over 19 years, and been on social media since before it was called social media, but I’m only just now here online as myself.

Hell, I’m only just now here in life as myself.

That’s a hard truth. I’m glad I know it about myself and I’m certainly glad I am finally living as myself. But I would be lying if I didn’t say I’m sad for spending so much time wandering on earth without fully realizing who I am. I’m a pretty great person, and I wish I had known and accepted me a lot earlier in life.

Please don’t mistake this for conceit. I don’t think I’m anyone special. I’m no more special than you are, but you are special therefore I am special and we are special and everyone is special which makes no one special but WE ARE ALL SPECIAL.

Make sense?

Right now, all I want to do is help people understand just how special they are. Male or female. Young or old. I don’t have a “target audience” because I struggle with the concept of marketing myself.

I’m writing for whoever can benefit from my words. Maybe I’m only writing for myself? I don’t really know, but I know I can’t not write. I have no idea if anyone will gain insight through my experiences. I guess I’m okay with that because I like myself enough to not need other people to like my work.

I know this post isn’t polished. I know it is kind of all over the place. This feels more like a journal entry, but if I’m going public with my life, anyone following deserves to see the mess inside my head.

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